


I Won't Be Your Dr. Watson

by bell (bellaboo), bellaboo, usomitai (bellaboo)



Series: Chronicles [1]
Category: House M.D.
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-06-06
Updated: 2006-06-06
Packaged: 2017-10-02 03:49:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bellaboo/pseuds/bell, https://archiveofourown.org/users/bellaboo/pseuds/bellaboo, https://archiveofourown.org/users/bellaboo/pseuds/usomitai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Someone to chronicle my triumphs. Let the world know what a jolly good job I'm doing."</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Won't Be Your Dr. Watson

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the 31 Days challenge.

Feet propped up on the edge of the desk, House looked up at the slowly rotating fan, twirling his cane in a similar rhythm. "You know what I need?"

"Yes, but it‘d take so long to write up a complete list."

"That's all right, we'll stick to the Cliff Notes."

"Item number one: a pack of Gillette razor blades. Your old set isn't the doing the job."

"Hardy har har. That aside, I was thinking that I need someone to write about how I solve my cases.” House somewhat painfully took his legs off the table, set them back onto the floor, stood up. “Someone to chronicle my triumphs. Let the world know what a jolly good job I‘m doing.”

"Like... an advertiser? Commercials? PR?"

"I was thinking more of a short-story format. Possibly the occasional novel to be converted into endless renditions of tv and movie scripts."

It clicked, once Wilson glanced over at the portable tv propped up next to the computer and remembered a commercial from when his wife was flipping through the channels. "Was 'The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes' marathon _this_ week?"

"An elementary yet excellent deduction, Wilson."

"Guess that explains why you've been throwing paper balls at anyone who tries to bring you work." He chuckled, shook his head. "Preferring the fictional mysteries to the actual medical ones?"

"Watson never made fun of Holmes," House pouted before turning his back to Wilson.

"Wait a second there, it almost sounds like you want me to be Watson to your Holmes."

"You suit the part perfectly, thanks to the lab coat."

"Oh, you've _got_ to be kidding."

"No reason to kid. You're the perfect candidate-- you can bear my presence for up to fifteen minutes at a time, you have enough medical knowledge to understand the brilliance of my diagnoses, and, most important of all, you know how to translate the jargon into everyman language. You'd be *perfect*."

"Except that, whoops, I happen to have a full-time job that eats up two thirds of my life and I _don't_ have the requisite hero worship. Not sure how much my wife would like me using the other third of my life writing about you, either. Why don't you take it up with Cameron, I'm sure there's nothing she'd like more than to extol your virtues for all the world to know how magnificent Gregory House, M.D. is beneath that unpolished surface."

House scrunched up in his face in righteous indignation. "Her hero worshiping was so last year. This year she’d write a manifesto warning all women off me."

“Pity your flaws got in the way of getting your virtues recognized.”

"How about Cuddy? Think she’d pay homage to my brilliance?"

"Only if you stop costing her a fortune in legal bills."

"Women! I’m sure they weren’t so picky in Holmes' times."

"Watson had a Y chromosome and he was the only one who spent any time with him."

Raising his eyebrow, "All the more reason for you to crack out your quill pen."

House could be so stubborn when he wanted to, but Wilson knew how to be stubborn right back. "Only if you start wearing a deerstalker hat to the hospital."

"That'd drive Cuddy crazy... _love_ it. Deal?"


End file.
